Do Not Fret

    So, I know that the purpose of this blog has been to share in laughter about the crazy antics of the insecure wife of a pastor but it's turned out quite modge podge these days. To be honest, it's been way too long since my last post. I've been feeling this urge to continue my blog. I'm pretty sure this blog is more for me, than it is for anyone else. I have a few readers from Russia, the Ukraine even. I like to think that I'm making a difference. I never really know if I am, but I can only hope.

Blogging can be a difficult task, especially for someone who cares so much about what others think. People tend to be more vocally opinionated these days or maybe it's just that there are more platforms for even the quietest personalities to share their opinions, rants, and grievances.

Anyway.......

 I started my "read the Bible in a year" plan for the New Year and I've really enjoyed it, as I have incorporated the audio feature for the first time. I can not tell you why, but for some reason I've always felt like it would be "cheating" if I used the audio fuction. In reality it has been amazing for me, especially for my ADD! Reading comprehension can be a booger when you have Attention Defficit. If you're wondering, I use the You Version Bible app. It is free and the resources are endless. 

   I don't know about anyone else but I feel like I am quite prone to worry. There.... said it. I'm not proud of it. It just seems to creep in as soon as I lay my head down at night. I lay there ready to drift into dreamland. It gets quiet, the lights are low and the light blue glow of the moon shines through my window blinds. Lately, there has even been the soft hoot of an owl in the trees outside of my window. Then, somehow through all the peace and quiet my brain whispers, "Sppppt..... Spppppt. Hey.... You know what we haven't thought about in a while? Your credit score." (or insert any crazy thing that causes heart palpitations). I think that worry seems to be so common in our society that we think it's just a normal part of life. We make exceptions for it, when it really has no place. I have been in situations where I tried to get my worry under control but my lack of worry was confused with a lack of caring. In an attempt to prove how serious I was about the situation, I tried to worry about it a little bit more. Sounds ridiculous, right?! I feel like sometimes I have given into fear and anxiety because it seemed like the responsible thing to do. We wear our stress and anxiety as a badge. We take it on as normal. We succumb to the thoughts that inevitably creep in, early in the morning and when we lay upon our beds. We say things like, "I'm a mom so I'm allowed to worry" or "a little worry is what gets things done".

  We know that God tells us on repeat to cast our burdens on him, to lose the fear, ditch the worry, and give Him our anxiety. He tells us not to fret. I've heard that God tells us not to worry at least 365 times in the Bible. I've never counted this myself but I like to think that it's true. That would be one for every day of the year. I know it's in there a lot, so it must be extremely important. 

   

   I was following along in my daily Bible reading and something jumped out at me a little harder than it had before. 

It said:

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.

Psalm 37:5-8

    "Do not fret- it leads only to evil". I heard those words and they have resonated within me for days. Could fret and worry really lead to evil? I worry so much, have I been on such a dangerous path all this time? I immediatly pictured every instance I have worried my way through. I would inevitably try to pick up the pieces of a situation and try to control it when I should be trusting God with all those pieces. I tried to make things work and force potential problems to go right when I was supposed to be waiting on the Lord. I have meditated on this scripture for days. When I looked up the definition of fret it is said to be constantly or visibly worried or anxious. As I dug a little deeper it started to get really unpleasant. The second deffinition of fret is to gradually wear away by rubbing or gnawing. Ouch! Think about when the back of your shoe rubs your heel all day long. Chances are, if you let that go on long enough, you're going to be in A LOT of pain. Keep it up, and you may end up with a really horrible infection. Some people might be able to develop tough skin. That will get them by for a little while but when the worry gets really heavy, the pain feels raw again, maybe even worse than it did before. I think about the words, "to wear away", and I picture the water beating against the rocks. Microscopic bits of rock, sand, and sediment break off, a little at a time, till eventually there may not be much that remains. The wearing down is so gradual that only time is an indicator of the stress that these rocks took. They may not even resemble what they once were.

    Fret is a state of anxiety and worry. Worry is when you give way to anxiety or unease. It is when you allow your mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles. This tells me that it's okay to work through potential difficulty but we are not to dwell there. Dwelling in that place creates worry. Times will come that we will feel the urge to worry or feel anxious but do not give it a place in your mind.

   Worry is also defined as a carnivorous animal tearing at, gnawing on, or dragging around something with it's teeth. None of these sound pleasant. They sound brutal. If we allow it, worry can maim us, chew us up, tear into us. It is ugly. No wonder God tells us not to worry. It is so very damaging and it's not okay. It's not something we should celebrate or give honor to. It should not be a compulsory trait of successful individuals.  Worry is a destructive, carnivorous beast that should have no place in our hearts.   

     Jeremiah 17:7-8 tells us,

"But Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,

who's confidence is in Him.

They will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out it's roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit."

   This is the kind of person that I want to be. I want to be the person who trusts the Lord unwaveringly, always bearing fruit even in difficult seasons. Will I trust Him when I feel like I might dry up? Will I trust Him, when life is just down right horrible and unfair? I want to be the person so filled up with Jesus that it spills out onto those around me. I know that it's difficult not to worry. I understand that life is gross and icky sometimes; but let us not give in to anxiety. Do not dwell in the uneasiness but let us be as trees planted by streams of living water, bearing fruit in a land that is barren and dry. 

"When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." Proverbs 3:24