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Why Blog?


        So, what can I say?! Many have been telling me it was time to start a blog. Well, here it is. Just in case some of you don't realize, I have no idea what I'm doing - so bear with me.  I struggled with what to post first. Was I going to use big fancy words, in big fancy fonts? Would I say something profound and intriguing? I don't think so... Then, where am I supposed to begin? I guess I'll just have to lay it all out.
       Why a blog?
My husband and I began our journey together as Associate Pastor and wife. Eventually, God called us into full time ministry. We would pastor a church.
I was ready. I couldn't wait! The excitement was bubbling over and spilling out of us both. We moved into the church parsonage (absolutely beautiful, by the way), got settled in, and gracefully took on our newly bestowed role as Reverend and Mrs. As the months went by, my husband settled into his role as the Bishop, and I , well I ........ I discovered something....... Something so shocking it shook me to the core:
I am not like the other pastors' wives. I am uncontrollably awkward. When I wear high heels, I walk like a new born baby calf. When thrust into confrontation, I stutter uncontrollably, my knees start to shake, I sweat profusely and my tongue seems to swell. I think I'm allergic, really. I think a little differently, not my belief system, but the actual process of thinking. I have attention deficit disorder (not joking). Seriously! I MUST write everything down but then I lose my list. I forget people's names and sometimes their faces.  I scream out loud, when I actually should be whispering. I run, trip over my feet, and roll head first, when I should be floating into a room.
      When I first realized this shocking truth, I became upset and a little discouraged. I started comparing myself to others who seemed to be doing so much more, so much better...... than me. It really got me down. I had a really ugly monkey on my back and I had to shoot it.
So, I started asking God to help me be a better pastor's wife and one day I asked him why I couldn't be more like the other beautifully graceful wives. This is what He said to me,"I didn't call them to this church. I called you. You are the one I called for this job. This is where I want YOU. Be who I have called you to be and no one else."  I realized that if God saw fit for me to be there, then I was meant to be there. ME. What do ya know. Don't get me wrong. I still strive everyday to more like Jesus. I still work to be graceful, flowy, and well-spoken, but through that process, I'm still wonderfully awkward made.

 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made........ " Psalm 139:1

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